Almost February

Hi. Well tomorrow is February 1st and the year is starting to fly by. I won't sugar coat it. The grief that everyone talks about is truly starting to creep in. I miss Chris more and more every day. We all continue to move on, no matter how difficult it is.

We went to the Auto Show in Washington, DC last week. Spent the entire afternoon there. Afterwards, the boys and I walked to the ESPN Zone for dinner. After that we stayed a couple hours and played video games in the arcade. Bonding I guess!

We try to keep busy and have been doing a good job of that. We're starting to plan our summer. Alex will be away for 2 weeks in Australia and we're going to the beach and some other places too. Gotta get away. Alex started lacrosse practice last week and is looking forward to this season. A lot of people plan on going to the Pink fundraiser game in April.

Michel came by on Monday and brought us dinner which was very welcomed. I think the boys are getting tired of my cooking already! I guess it's time for some classes.

The boys are going to Ski Club tonight. That means they won't be home at all until 10:30 or so. I've started looking for things to do or places to go. These nights are the most difficult for me. I work from home and I'm alone all day. That''s not a problem at all. But in the evenings when it's quiet that is when things start to weigh on me. This is part of the process and I'm working through it. There's bad days and not so bad days. Maybe a sprinkling of good days too. Although those are hard to find.

Keep us in your thoughts and thanks for checking in with us!

Lycoming Lacrosse Plans “Pink Out” in April

See it on the Lycoming website here.

WILLIAMSPORT, Pa.—Lycoming’s women’s lacrosse team will be holding its inaugural Breast Cancer Awareness Lacrosse Game vs. Widener University at 1 p.m. at Robert L. Shangraw Athletic Complex on Saturday, April 12, 2008.

This game will be played in remembrance of Christine A. DeWitt, one of our players’ mothers who lost her life to breast cancer this past September. The lacrosse team is selling T-shirts in order to raise funds for Climb for Hope, a division of breast cancer research that Christine believed in very strongly.

To purchase a pink Lycoming Lacrosse T-shirt, please contact Kara Reber at reber@lycoming.edu or by phone at 570-321-4254. Shirts are $10 a piece, plus you may make an additional donation. Pre-sale orders are due by March 17, 2008. There will be additional shirts available at the game for sale.

The Lady Warriors would like everyone to wear their pink T-shirt to the April 12th game in order to “pink-out” the stadium. The goal is to raise over $3000.00 for Climb for Hope.

Climb for Hope was organized to raise and channel funds towards targeted and promising research in the fight against breast cancer. Its mission is to find a viable treatment for breast cancer by 2009. The goal for 2008 is to raise $300,000 that will go directly towards a vaccine being developed at Johns Hopkins University by Dr. Leisha Emens. This research will one day allow patients to successfully battle the disease using a specialized vaccine in conjunction with lower doses of chemotherapy. Not only does the vaccine address some of the most aggressive and lethal forms of Breast Cancer, but the research is expected to derive advances for many forms of cancer as well. Please visit www.climbforhope.com for more information.

Along with raising breast cancer awareness, Lycoming women’s lacrosse will celebrate Senior Day at the Widener game. Afterward, Lady Warrior lacrosse alumni will play an alumni game. April 12 will also be Faculty/Staff Recognition Day, as each current Lycoming player will recognize someone at the College for their positive influence and mentorship.

Please join Lady Warrior lacrosse for this event and help support a cause that affects many of our lives.

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I know a lot of you are planning on attending this game. If you would like to spend the night you can stay at the Fairfield Inn at the following:

• Fairfield Inn and Suites
• 104 Maynard Street
• Williamsport, Pennsylvania 17701 USA
• Phone: 1-570-601-9200
• Reference the "PinkRibbonLacrosse" group
• Rate should be $71/night

OR you can stay here as well:

http://www.genettihotel.com/

Rooms are reserved for both Friday, 4/11 and Saturday, 4/12 under Lycoming College Women's Lacrosse.

2 Double beds $72.85
King $81.85
Queen Suite $90.85

Rooms are held until March 12, and there are 20 rooms blocked.

I think I am staying at the Genetti as it is in the middle of downtown across from the Bull Frog Brewery! Let me know when you make reservations so I'll know where to find you all.

If you can't make it and still wish to help, send Kara Reber and email and let her know.

Tubing!

Last night I took all the kids to Liberty Mountain for some fun. We dropped Tyler and Michael off at the lift side and they went snowboarding. Alex, Jon, and I then went to the other side of the mountain and went tubing. It was pretty fun and wasn't too crowded. They have a moving platform to take you to the top which was kind of nice.

After a couple of hours we went back and met the boys over at the lodge and had dinner. After that we came home and played a game before I finally called it quits and went to bed.

This morning Alex, Jon and I went to church at St. John's. Well here's your sign!!! Father Funk was the priest this morning AND on top of that the entrance song was "Here I am Lord"!!! It's funny because I was talking to Chris's mother yesterday and we were just talking about Father Funk and wondering how he was doing. He started up chemotherapy a couple of months ago for a recurrence of cancer that he has been fighting for some time now. I spoke briefly with him on the way out of church and he and I gave each other a big hug! What a wonderful man he is.

Some New Pictures

This past week I received a bunch of pictures that were taken of Chris over the last 5 or so years while working at COMSTAR. Some are of her at their annual holiday party that they used to have. It was always a good time and you can see by the photos that she enjoyed the dancing! Me too, I guess.

I've posted all of them in my Picassa album so you can get to them all by clicking here. I hope you enjoy them as much as I am.

End of school term

Well it's been a little over a week since my last post. Not a whole lot is going on to tell you the truth. It's just the boys and I and they are in school and I'm working from home. It's sort of nice in a way to get back into a routine!

The routine is over though for now as their school term ended today. No school on Mon,Tues, or Wed next week either! Ty's done pretty well in school. Michael is doing okay but really needs to start focusing better. He just has a hard time in some of his classes.

Last Monday I went to the Hospices grief counseling drop in session. I've been feeling pretty crappy since Christmas and thought I would give it a try. I'm not sure if that is the best venue for me at this point as it is an open forum for people with varying types of grief. They have an 8-week session coming up in February that is only for grieving spouses and that may be a little better. They have a financial workshop coming up too which may be of some help. There are lots of resources available to me and I'm going to start looking into them. Also, Michael will start a session at school in March as well.

Alex and Jon (1-n) are coming home tonight for a couple days. It's the last time she can come home for the entire school year as lacrosse starts next week and that will take all her weekends. We're going to try and go skiing/sledding tomorrow depending on the weather. We got 5" or so of snow yesterday!

Oh yeah we had a guy come last week and install an invisible fence around our entire property. This will hopefully help keep the dog from wandering around in the neighbors yard. I can also leave her out and not worry about her anymore too. One less thing to have to worry about...

No problem there...

Well once again something very odd/coincidental happened to me today that I just cannot explain. I hope that by telling you someone can shed some light on it for me.

This past weekend I posted a couple of ads on Craig's list to sell some items out of the basement. We're going to do some painting and remodeling down there and wanted to get rid of some items. One was a desk that we had set up for Chris for days that she would work from home. All the computers and such were given back awhile ago so we decided to sell it. Well someone came to the house this afternoon and bought it and took it away. No problem there.

I also had an ad for a treadmill that I was getting rid of and a nice guy named Mark from Frederick emailed me and said he was very interested. We communicated by phone today and he said he would come by tonight to look at it and take it if he liked it. No problem there. He called about 8pm and said he was running a little late. I was down in my office cleaning up a huge mess and hanging one of Chris's pictures that she had in her office at COMSTAR and the doorbell rang. It was Mark. No problem there.

I went upstairs and went to the door and Mark and a friend was standing there. I opened the door and we shook hands and said hello. As he started to come in the house I looked out into the driveway and saw the vehicle that he drove up in. PROBLEM HERE!!! You see the vehicle was a black paneled van with a small logo on the side that said..... Keeney and Bassford Funeral Home. Yup that's right.

After a quick chat with Mark, I find out that he works at the Funeral home and Mark along with the Funeral Director Rick were the ones who came to our house the day that Chris passed away. This was the SAME van used that day...

Mark was very, very nice and once again extended his sincerest condolences to us. We went downstairs and then brought the treadmill up to put in the van. It was very strange but I held it together pretty well. He was a nice kid. In fact I just looked at their website and his name is listed there with a little bio too. Check it out.

Afterwards I talked to the boys a little bit about it and we all chuckled a bit. I then called a special friend to talk about it. That helped a lot.

So, that's the story. I'm not sure why but it happened exactly this way for a reason. I'm still trying get my hands around things but these things really throw me for a loop.

G'night.

New Breast Cancer Site

I just ran across a new site about breast cancer. Please take a moment to check it out.

Breast Cancer Research Program Director Nancy Davidson and Avon Foundation Breast Center Administrative Director Lillie Shockney discuss the latest in breast cancer on ABC News' On Call web site. Also read answers from Johns Hopkins experts to viewers' breast cancer questions.

http://abcnews.go.com/Health/OnCallPlus

Lyco Lax Schedule

Alex went back to school yesterday and her classes begin today. Her lacrosse team has posted their 2008 schedule. I am hoping to continue on the tradition that Chris and I set last year of attending at least 1/2 or more of the games. It's not easy since the boys are both playing lacrosse too but I'm hoping that I can swing it. Here is the schedule for you to see:

2008 Lycoming Women's Lacrosse Schedule

March	5	Ursinus	Home	4:00pm
	8	Montclair	Home	3:00pm
	12	Eastern	Away	4:30pm
	15	Buffalo State College	Home	1:00pm
	16	Arcadia	Away	1:00pm
	19	Susquehanna	Home	4:30pm
	21	St. John Fisher	Away	1:00pm
	29	Manhattanville	Home	2:00pm
April	2	King's	Away	4:00pm
	5	William Smith	Away	11:00am
	6	Colorado College at William Smith	Away	11:00am
	10	Elizabethtown	Home	4:00pm
	12	Widener	Home	1:00pm
	15	Messiah	Away	7:00pm
	19	FDU-Florham	Away	3:00pm
	26	Wilkes	Home	3:00pm
	29	MAC-Playoffs	TBA	TBA
May	1	MAC-Semi-Finals	TBA	TBA
	3	MAC-Finals	TBA	TBA

I did map out the away games and there are some close ones as well. Here they are:

Eastern - Near Harrisburg, PA
Arcadia - North of Philadelphia
ST. John Fisher - Rochester, NY
Kings - Wilkes Barre, PA
William Smith - Geneva, NY
Messiah - South of Harrisburg, PA

That 's the update for now. Not much else is happening. Christmas, and New Year's are over. A very difficult time for me for sure. A lot harder than I had prepared for. The decorations are put away and we are trying to get into a routine now.

Take care...

A Climb for Hope Message

For those who have not seen it, this was posted a couple of weeks back as a comment to one of my posts.

This is a wonderful site and a great tribute to Chris.

I'm so sorry for your loss. That's why I started Climb for Hope so families won't have to deal with the horror of losing a loved one to breast cancer.

We'll be sure to carry Chris's memory to the summits of Cotopaxi and Kilimanjaro in 2008. And, we'll work hard to raise money so Dr. Emens will find the next viable treatment for advanced breast cancer

Andrew Buerger
Founder
Climb for Hope
http://www.climbforhope.com/index.php/cfh/

Climb for Hope raises money primarily for the research of Dr. Emens at Johns Hopkins. Her clinical trial for stage IV breast cancer patients was the one that Chris worked so very hard to get into, only to be in it for just a month. She felt so very strongly about Dr. Emens and this project that I have made it a point than all my future cancer donations will go to them to help Dr. Emens speed up her research. I would ask everyone else to do the same if possible.

Andrew Buerger also sent me a personal email as well and explained a little more as to why he is so involved with the program. They just set out on an expedition yesterday to Ecuador and very soon they are off to Mount Kilamanjaro. Dr. Emens herself is going on that one! She went on the Ecuador trip last year at this time.

Made it through Christmas

This picture was taken on Christmas Eve after we came home from church. As you can see Tyler is now quite the man in his new suit! Looks like a little businessman. Their smiles are a testament to the excitement that they had inside.

The last few days have been pretty tough. We finally got everything done for Christmas and went to church as we always do. It was not the same without Chris with us though. It just seemed as if our family was not complete. We came home and took care of bringing up the presents and hanging the stockings. The kids went to bed a little before midnight and I had a few things to do. After I finished around 12:30 or so I sat down and it finally all hit me. The 23-year routine that Chris and I had done each year had now come to an end. It took me awhile to compose myself and get upstairs to bed. It was the worst that I have felt since she passed away.

The next morning I had to wake the kids up around 8 AM. We opened presents and I started baking the 23 pound turkey! Alex got a special surprise in the driveway as you can see.

The whole family came and we had a very full house. About 30 people. We ate and exchanged gifts and played a gift exchange game. All day long all I could think of was how much Chris enjoyed doing all of these things and how hard it was to enjoy without her. We all had a good time and everyone left around 10pm.

This week Alex worked for a couple of days and will be leaving on Saturday to go visit her boyfriend in NJ. She actually has to leave to return to college on Sunday the 6'th so she doesn't have a lot of time left at home.

Tonight, Friday, Michael is going to a midnight rock-n-bowl night with the youth group from church. He's looking forward to it. I hope I don't fall asleep and forget to pick him up.

The day after Christmas I received an email from Jeannette Vagnozzi. I had posted a comment on her blog 2hands.blogspot.com about 4 months back and she had just gotten around to responding. I really do not remember how I came across her blog but I do remember reading through it. She sent me a very, very nice email and I will share a small part of it with you:

...Please let me first tell you how devastated I was to read of your loss. You have done a good job of letting strangers understand what an amazing woman your wife was. I have to say, Charlie, you are everything a woman could hope to have by her side. Your constant care, your ability (even if it doesn’t always feel like it) to carry on and care for your children in a way that Chris would have wanted are a testament to your strength and character. No one ever hopes or wishes to discover their inner strength by having it tested to such a degree, but the truth is that this is how we discover or uncover it.

Charlie, by telling your story and Chris’s story, you unknowingly have helped other men get through a similar situation. You have also allowed other women to truly understand how breast cancer impacts the whole family. This is so important. The more we talk about it, the more people understand that breast cancer must be stopped before one more person, one more family goes through this battle.

I now check in often to see how you are doing. Every May since my own diagnosis I participate in a Relay for Life and walk many laps (over the course of 24 hours!) in honor of people who have touched my life and cancer journey. It would be an honor to walk in memory of Chris this year...

It was just what I needed to read the morning after Christmas. It made me feel a whole bunch better. Now, on to New Years. Oh yeah, the following picture was taken by Tyler last Sunday when we were down in DC for the concert.

Weekend before Christmas.

Well tonight we finally got a chance to use Tyler's new firepit that he built in our backyard. It's been there for a couple of weeks but it's either been too cold or too wet to use. We'll have our own little campground in the back yard this year!

Yesterday (friday) we all went to the movies together (Alex, Ty, Mike and I). We saw the premier of National Treasure. Cool movie.

Thursday we went out to dinner together after taking a bunch of things over to the thrift store that Chris's sister Jenny works at. We started taking a lot of things there knowing exactly where the money is going to benefit when an item is sold. Of course while there we had to shop! We picked up 2 suits for Tyler which I must say looked very nice on him.

The rest of this week we had dinners at home and just spent the evenings together. I went to the cemetery on Thursday and cleared up what was left over from Thanksgiving. There were a lot of graves that were decorated for the holidays. It was very nice. I put up the following wreath on Chris's grave for her. It is a wreath that was made for her by Jonnietta at the credit union a couple of years back. It has a small angel in the middle with the word "inspire" on it. She was certainly an inspiration to all of us.

The holidays are fast approaching and I am really torn. One side of me just wants it to get over with and I'm not really in the festive mood. Then on the other hand, I have 3 children that keep reminding me of the holiday and somewhat force me to get into the festive mood. Things are okay. It is really, really going to be tough to get up on Christmas morning without the love of my life next to me. I'm not looking forward to it but I'm sure the kids will help keep me sane.

A Christmas Note...

Concert for Christmas...

Alex finally made it home on Friday. She got a bunch of snow in central PA so she played it safe and came home during the day on Friday. An easy drive she said.

Saturday, she and I went out for coffee and breakfast. It was a nice morning and nice to sit and chat, even though I had to wake her up! College student you know… We did a little shopping after that and then came home. She and Tyler then went out in the afternoon and Mike and I went for groceries. We’re not too good at that on a regular basis. Alex came home and started looking through the bare refrigerator and cabinets and gave me a hard time!

Sunday was a very busy day. We got up and had to pack up all our belongings from our rooms as they are coming to carpet the upstairs on Monday (I think). After that we left to have lunch at a restaurant in Rockville, MD. This restaurant is owned by Scott Blaugrund. I coached his son’s baseball team a few years ago right after Chris was diagnosed. Last month he told me to come down for dinner so we decided to wait until Alex came home. Incredible food and great atmosphere. Check it out if you’re in the area it is called The Potomac Grill. Thanks so much to Scott and his family for lunch and getting our day off to a great start.

After that we drove down to Washington, DC. We went to the International Spy Museum which is located near the Verizon Center. We spent a couple of hours in there and had a fun time looking at all the exhibits and learning about espionage and covert actions! I think Michael has found a career as he really liked it.

We then walked over to see the Trans-Siberian Orchestra. What an incredible concert. Almost 3 hours long and worth every minute. Check out some of the pix and videos if you can. Since this was the boys 1^st concert they were amazed. It’s not quite a head-banging metal concert but pretty close. They played many wonderful Christmas songs and then kicked it up for an hour near the end. We didn’t get home until almost midnight!

One of Chris's wishes granted!

It's been a very hectic weekend and few days already this week. For 2 years Chrissy and I planned on getting new floors put into the living room, foyer and dining room. They were carpeted and I wanted to just recarpet them. She had her mind up that she wanted hardwood floors put in. Over the summer we finally started looking around and getting some quotes. When she got sick everything went by the wayside.

Monday we followed through on her wishes and put a new floor in! It's beautiful just like she knew it would be. When we put all the stuff back in and started looking at it I couldn't help but start crying. Tears of joy of course knowing that she really wanted this and that it came out so nicely. We even talked about this while she was in the hospital. She was adamant that we continue with what we started and put new floors in AND new carpet in the upstairs. The carpet folks come on Monday morning to start their job! We have to spend the weekend getting all the rooms ready to move out all the furniture. Not an easy task.

Alex hopefully comes home tomorrow. The weather may not be to cooperative so it may become Friday. She has my Maxima so I'd prefer she wait if necessary! This Sunday is a special day for us. I bought us tickets to go and see the Trans-Siberian Orchestra at the Verizon Center in DC. I'm sure you've heard their music. It should be a great show. We're planning on going down early and do some shopping in town too.

The holidays are starting to come together. Both trees are up now and 1 is decorated. We put some decorations up but nothing too fancy. Outside no lights unfortunately. I just don't have the time or energy to get to it. We have a lot of shopping left to do as well so next week will be just as hectic as this one I'm sure...

God Bless.

A sign?

Well today is Michael's birthday. He turns 12 today. We'll be doing something this evening for him I'm sure. Most likely dinner and a movie. He loves the local Japanese steakhouse so that will probably be it.

Now, sit down and get ready for this. This morning I was up getting ready and of course thinking of Chris. I just sort of said to myself "Honey just give me a sign that everything's okay". We all probably do that at some time or another but today being Michael's birthday it had a bit more meaning.

The boys left for school and I went into Frederick to have coffee and run a quick errand. Everything was going pretty well and I left the coffee shop around 8:45. In the morning I usually listen to the local AM radio channel. Chris did a lot of advertising work with them and I still hear her ads on the radio each morning for the credit union.

One of the things this station does is run snippets of people in the community saying something about the morning show. So I'm listening and cutting through town to get to the other side and my route took me right past the back entrance to the cemetery where Chris is buried. This is the same entrance that was used on the day of her funeral. As I pull up to the stop sign at that entrance I hear on the radio the following: "Hi this is Chris DeWitt of Frederick, MD and it's time to rise and shine with WMFD". Or something pretty close to that. It was a recording of Chris done sometime awhile back by Bob Miller the host. I was with her when it was recorded in fact.

Needless to say hearing the voice of my beautiful wife again was overwhelming and I completely lost it. I had to pull over. My hands were shaking and I just could not control my self. I needed someone to talk to so I called Marianne at COMSTAR and talked with her which was really helpful getting me back on the road!

Thanks for answering me Chris! I now know everything is okay.

Powered by ScribeFire.

It's been a long week...

The title says it all. I went to my friend Jeff's funeral last weekend. It was really tough and almost made me relive the week that I had all over again. I was, however, very glad that I went. There were lots of people there that I knew and I was able to see Jeff's wife Kristen. She was unable to come to Chris's funeral as she was caring for Jeff at the time.

I got home Saturday and my friends Danny and Brenda and Karen and Glen came up for a few hours. We just sat around and chatted and had some Chinese food. It was great seeing them.

This Friday is Michael's 12'th birthday and another one of those 1'sts that will keep coming. We don't have any immediate plans just yet but may take him to his favorite restaurant for dinner.

Today I attended calling hours for a woman that I had never met. Barbara Case. She is the daughter of one of the board of directors at COMSTAR. She had been battling breast cancer for quite awhile and unfortunately she passed away this past Monday. Married 28 years, along with 4 children. A very similar situation as mine only they were about 6 years older. I went and saw Nick (board member) and his wife. I also had a chance to meet Barbara's husband. I gave him my number and told him to call me if he wanted to talk. I hope someone, someday can put a stop to this.Tonight I was on a cooking extravaganza! I don't know what I made but as you can see from the picture the boys enjoyed it. Noodles, chicken and whatever else I could find. I'm trying the best I can to keep them fed! They seem to be doing just fine!!

The holidays are fast approaching. We are trying to get some decorations up but it just doesn't seem to be happening as fast as we would like. Today we got about 6" of snow and it's been cold. It did put me in the holiday spirit and we dug out a few more things tonight.

Going to NJ

Today I am leaving to attend my friend Jeff's funeral in NJ. Chris's parents are going to watch the boys tonight and probably take them shopping for Christmas presents while I'm out. That will be helpful.

Wednesday night after dinner Tyler came downstairs to my office after dinner and asked if we could decorate the Christmas tree. We put it up on Sunday and had not done anything to it. I was not looking forward to it but was glad to see that he and Michael wanted to. They did most of the work. The hardest part for me was hanging ornaments on the tree that Chris had just bought this past year or that I had bought for her. They we pretty and I'm sure she likes them. Here is one that I got for her:

Tyler in the Paper (Published Photojournalist)

This picture appeared in the local Frederick News Post Newspaper on Thursday. It's a picture of Lake Linganore which is located only about 1/2 mile from our house. It's located on page B-6. The interesting part is that the picture was taken by TYLER and submitted by him to the paper! It was really cool to see it along with his name in the paper. Here's what it actually looked like in the paper:


Oh and Alex was also mentioned in the FNP last Sunday. Her college routinely keeps the local papers updated on what is happening with their students. Here's what was said.

The loss of a good friend.

I received notice today that a good friend of mine, Jeff Waters, from NJ passed away yesterday from a brain tumor. He had been battling his tumor for almost 4 years! He was a very brave man and will be remembered always for his courage. Jeff will be missed dearly by his wife Kristen and all of his friends.

Jeff came to MD in August to our friend Danny's crab feast and while there he and Chris had a very long talk with one another. Chris never told me what they spoke about but I know that it was helpful to her and I'm sure to him as well.

I'll miss you Jeffy. God bless you and give Chrissy a hug for me.

Back home.

We finally left Deep Creek on Saturday afternoon. We drove around a lot on Friday and Saturday looking at places that we've been to before. The weather was really weird. Normal for up there. It was 72 degrees when we went up on Wednesday, Thursday morning it rained then the front rolled through and the temps dropped 30+ degrees in couple hours!

Friday it snowed and the temps were in the high 20's. Pretty cool. We went by the Wisp ski resort and saw them making snow on the mountain. It was really cool seeing all of the snow machines running at one time! The kids got out and played in the snow! Some pics here.
I woke up early on Saturday morning and got a chance to watch the sun rise over the lake. It was pretty spectacular and on par with the sunrise on the bay I posted a few weeks back. I seem to have that knack of waking up early for some reason now.

We got home around 5pm on Saturday. Tyler went to the movies and Alex went to Chipoltle to get dinner for us. She had a bunch of things to do before going back to school.

Sunday Alex and I went out for coffee and then went out and bought a wreath for the front of the house and a huge poinsettia. Later we cleaned out the storage room and made our way to the Christmas decorations. While moving some boxes around I found a bag that contained some new ornaments. When I opened it I saw that it was ornaments that Chris had bought at Deep Creek in August when we were there. Let's just say it took me awhile to get myself together and get back upstairs. We did get the tree put up in the family room. No decorations yet but the tree is up. I don't know how we're going to make out during the holidays. I really, really don't. I do know that we have no way to prevent it from coming so we must do what we can to make it through. We will certainly have our entire family over for the holidays. That's what we've done for a long while and Chris would have it no other way this year too.

Thanks to everyone for looking out for us during the Thanksgiving week and for continually keeping us in your thoughts and prayers. We really need it! Take care and I'll try to keep you updated as the holiday moves in.

Happy Thanksgiving

Well today has been a very, very tough day. We drove up to Deep Creek Lake yesterday afternoon. After checking into our room in the condo we went down for dinner to the all you can eat pasta bar in the hotel restaurant. It was the same place that we've visited the past few years and always enjoyed the meal.

This morning I woke up around 7 and decided to get up and go out for coffee. There is a really nice coffee shop just up the road from the hotel so I went there. After getting my coffee and newspaper I went over and sat down on a large leather chair in the corner. I sat and read for awhile and then sat and looked around for awhile at the signs that were for sale on the wall. After a few moments I looked at the wall behind me and just over my shoulder was a small sign the said it all. A very nice plaque that said "Time Began In a Garden", and had 2 very pretty purple iris flowers on it. Chris loved iris flowers and of course loved working in her garden. This was my sign that showed that we did the right thing coming up here and that she was indeed really with us. I, of course, bought the sign for our house and maybe one day we'll hang it in a house up here by the lake.

I went back and got the kids around 10. We went out and got them something to eat and then just drove around to look at the area. Places that we've enjoyed many times in the past with Chris.

At 3pm we had reservations for Thanksgiving dinner in the hotel restaurant. The food was great and we had a very nice table next to the windows overlooking the lake. Dinner was nice but will never be the same again without Chris. We miss her greatly.

No soup for you!

Whenever we had leftover chicken or turkey Chris would always make homemade soup. Well this week someone made us an entire roasted chicken which the boys and I didn't eat all of.

I took advantage of the cold weather and football games on Sunday to try and make some soup. I looked for Chris's recipe but was unable to find it. I don't think she had one. So I just winged it!

All-in-all I think it came out pretty good. I asked Michael if it was as good as Mom's and he said no but it was pretty close. That made me feel good! I'll take pretty. I'll never be as good or better.

I got a call from my brother-in-law Ken yesterday around 3:45. He asked if he could come over to watch the Redskins-Cowboys football game with me. I was glad he did. It then became a bash as Chris's mom and dad were out and came by, along with her brother and his 2 girls, and Chris's sister Jenny came by too. It was great. They joked about inviting themselves over but I didn't care one bit. I enjoyed the company a lot.

Tyler and I went to Mass yesterday morning and one of the songs we sang was "Here I am Lord". It was one of Chris's favorite songs. We also sang this song at her service in the same church. I cried through the whole song. It was just beautiful, as was she. Here's a link to the song if you don't remember it: Here I am Lord
And the words as well:

I, the Lord of sea and sky,
I have heard my people cry.
All who dwell in dark and sin,
My hand will save.
Chorus
Here I am, Lord. Is it I, Lord?
I have heard you calling in the night.
I will go, Lord, if you lead me.
I will hold your people in my heart.

I, who made the stars of night,
I will make their darkness bright.
Who will bear my light to them?
Whom shall I send?

Chorus
Here I am, Lord. Is it I, Lord?
I have heard you calling in the night.
I will go, Lord, if you lead me.
I will hold your people in my heart.

I, the Lord of snow and rain,
I have borne my people’s pain.
I have wept for love of them.
They turn away.

Chorus
Here I am, Lord. Is it I, Lord?
I have heard you calling in the night.
I will go, Lord, if you lead me.
I will hold your people in my heart.

I will break their hearts of stone,
Give them hearts for love alone.
I will speak my words to them.
Whom shall I send?

Chorus
Here I am, Lord. Is it I, Lord?
I have heard you calling in the night.
I will go, Lord, if you lead me.
I will hold your people in my heart.

I, the Lord of wind and flame,
I will send the poor and lame.
I will set a feast for them.
My hand will save.

Chorus
Here I am, Lord. Is it I, Lord?
I have heard you calling in the night.
I will go, Lord, if you lead me.
I will hold your people in my heart.

Finest bread I will provide,
'Til their hearts be satisfied.
I will give my life to them.
Whom shall I send?

Chorus
Here I am, Lord. Is it I, Lord?
I have heard you calling in the night.
I will go, Lord, if you lead me.
I will hold your people in my heart.

Cat and Dog

Just thought you would all like to see that the dog and cat are getting along so well.

Mid Week

Well the home coming party was a big success. About 45 9'th graders showed up to "hang out" at our house Saturday night. They had lots of food and lots of fun. Nothing broken (that I know of) and all is good. The last ones left about 3:00 am so we were pretty beat.

I had to get up at 7am to take Michael to his 8am indoor lacrosse game. Ugh. He at least went to bed around 11. Sunday afternoon we Michael and I went to the Baltimore Ravens football game. We went with our neighbor Ray. We had a good time. The weather was not too cold.

Last night I was sitting at my PC around 5pm working and the phone rang. It was a friend/neighbor and she asked if she could bring dinner by. Considering I had not even begun to think about it I said sure. What a blessing!!! Great meal. It helped out a lot.

I still need to go to Chris's office and clear out her personal belongings. hopefully I can get that done this week. We made reservations for Thanksgiving at Deep Creek for next week too. Should be nice.

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Home Coming for Tyler

Today was Tyler's homecoming at high school. He was nominated to be one of the princes for the king and queen's court. He didn't win but was really psyched about getting on the ballot! He asked me about a week ago if he could have an "after" party. I said sure. Well now there's 40+ people on the invite list and probably more coming! Needless to say I'll have my hands full. We went out and bought a whole bunch of food and stuff for the party and pizza will be ordered when they all get here.

I just dropped Tyler off at the dance a little while ago and am now in the waiting mode before the big bash. He was all dressed up in a new shirt and tie. I dropped him off and then cried most of the way home. Another one of those moments that seem to be coming more and more often. Chris would have been so proud of him.

Tyler, Michael, and I went to the homecoming game today to watch their team WIN. Very exciting. Tomorrow we have tickets to the Baltimore Ravens NFL game at 4pm. So we're excited about that too.

Wish me luck tonight with all the 9'th graders!

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Another Honor for Chris

The fall newsletter has come out from COMSTAR. In a tribute to Chris they have devoted the entire first page to her memory and wrote a very heart warming article about her. This publication goes out to each household that has an account at the credit union. If you would like to see the entire newsletter you can click here.

Bagpipe Songs

The gentleman who played the bagpipes at Chris's funeral sent me an email telling me exactly what the songs were that he played that beautiful Saturday morning. They were:

• Sou
  Gan - also known as Welsh Air, which IS a Welsh lullaby
• Dawning
  of the Day - an Irish song that has several expressions; one
  being that after someone's passing they awake to a "new day"
• Amazing
  Grace
• America
  the Beautiful
  

If anyone wishes to contact Peter his information is:
Peter Elliott
301-788-3819

Washington DC Fire Dept. Pipes and Drums
http://www.dcfdpipesanddrums.org/

Waking up EARLY

Halloween was good for the boys. They got themselves together and went out trick-or-treating with a couple of friends. They were gone for a couple of hours and came home with the usual load of candy. I stayed at home and handed out the candy. It was really hard though. I never handed out the candy before. That was what Chris used to do. When the kids were younger I would go out with them and she would stay back and hand it out. Last year was the 1st year I stayed home too and I was able to watch her hand out the candy. She enjoyed it a great deal. My neighbors asked me down to their house to hang with them but I was just not up to it.

Friday the boys had the day off from school so we had a chance to sleep in. No deal for me. I woke up at 4:30 and today Saturday I woke up around 5:00. It's starting to catch up to me some as I'm tired during the day. I'm going to try some Tylenol PM tonight and see how that works.

Thursday was the end of the term for the boys. I went out and bought Tyler a new bike about 10 days ago and Michael received his on Thursday. They've worked hard in school and certainly deserved something like this. They haven't had a bike for about 9 months now so it was time.

Friday ALEX came home for the weekend! It was great to see her again. She is doing well in school and just wanted a break. We all went to the highschool football game last night and watched our local team whip up on the competition. It was cold but we had our blankets. The 4 of us sat together and watched. Several people came by to say hello which was nice.

Michael mad the comment "the last time we were in these stands was when we came to watch Allie's lacrosse games". And Chris was at each and every one of them.

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Over a week and no post!

For all my hardcore bloggers I'm sorry for not posting anything in the last week. It's not that I've been too busy but really there's not much more to post about. The boys and I are doing okay. They go to school, I work from home and then when they come home we work on homework and then dinner. We're in a routine now.

Michael has worked very hard to get his grades out of the cellar and with the term ending on Thursday he should be getting some good grades. He was having a horrible time a few weeks back but has finally started to put some effort back into his work.

Sunday I woke up at 4:30 AM. Sleep has not been too good recently. I piddled around until about 7 and then went out for coffee. Around 8 I went to the cemetery and sat quietly for awhile. It helps some. Sunday night the boys and I drove south of Annapolis to watch the Redskins game with our friends down there. Thanks to the Gebbia's for looking out for us.

The holiday's are coming and we're looking forward to them but it will be incredibly difficult. The kids and I are going away for Thanksgiving. Not sure where. Just away somewhere. Hopefully Alex and I can come up with something that we all agree on.

I'll keep you updated if things change around here.

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'Widowed'? No, That Box Can't Tell The Tale of a Heart

This article was in the Style section of yesterday's Washington Post. The same thing that happened to this woman also happened to me the other day when I was filling out some forms in a doctor's office. I sent her an email and asked for permission to put this on my blog.

By Tracy Grant
Washington Post Staff Writer
Monday, October 22, 2007; C08

For our 10th wedding anniversary, he gave me a delicate gold bracelet that encased 35 perfect, tiny diamonds.

For our 20th anniversary later this week, I will bring 19 red roses and one white one to his grave. Nineteen for the years we had together; one for the promise of an eternity yet to come.

Please don't call me a widow. The word conjures images of an Italian grandmother in heavy black stockings, a lace mantilla and a heavy shawl. I am a 43-year-old working suburban mother of two. I don't look like anyone's vision of a widow. More important, I don't feel like one. Seven months have passed since he died and I feel as married as I ever have, maybe more so -- more committed to all the plans we had made together, whether for the toolshed in the back yard or for the 11-year-old boys now, inexplicably, absent their father.

I was first confronted with this idea that I was a widow, not in the hospital room where his body lay lifeless, his spirit already gone to a purer place; not following his casket down the aisle of the church; not the first night I tried to sleep alone in our bed. No, it was in an oral surgeon's office filling out new-patient forms.

There it was: "Marital Status," followed by four boxes and the letters M, S, D, W. I barely managed to ask the receptionist for the key to the ladies' room before the mind-numbing shock gave way to body-wracking sobs.

Till death do us part. By all legal, moral and spiritual definitions, my marriage is over.

We had loved each other through lots of good times, some not-so-good times, in sickness, oh yes in sickness, and in health. Yet, there is a part of me that still feels his presence in the home that he redecorated in the last days of his life, in the car he gave me for my 40th birthday, in the heart he stole the day I first met him 23 years ago.

The phenomenon of phantom pain is well-documented in people who lose limbs. They feel sensation -- even pain -- from arms or legs no longer there. Their suffering is real, sometimes excruciating. Mental health professionals describe the loss of a spouse as one of the most stressful events in a person's life. I know about phantom pain. Mine is not in my arm or leg but in my soul -- where a cannon blast has left a jagged hole that no prosthetic device can ever hope to repair.

I don't see my marriage so much as being over as being interrupted -- rudely and unexpectedly interrupted. Some will say this is an unhealthy attitude, that I'm trying to keep my husband alive, that I'm stuck in the past, that I'm not "moving on" with my life. There are well-meaning people who advise me to date, remove my wedding ring, color my hair.

Understand me: I am not pining for what I lost. In the worst days of those 19 years, we had more happiness than some people have in their entire lives. I did nothing in my life to deserve the goodness and sweetness we knew, so I refuse to curse the fates and say that I don't deserve the sadness that is now part of life. I move on when I walk the dog each morning, talk the boys through the latest middle-school crisis, take on a new challenge at work.

But I believe that while we love many people in our lives, each of us, if we're lucky, gets but one "love of my life." I have mine. He no longer shares my bed, but he will always share my heart. It is enough. It has to be.

When I fill out forms these days I leave "Marital Status" blank. There are some questions that simply can't be answered by checking a box.