Sunday, September 14, 2008

It wasn't an anniversary to me.

When I hear the word anniversary I think of the obvious. A date, usually 1 year apart, that you use to celebrate some event. Unfortunately, it is also used for events that are not celebrated but simply remembered. 9/11 will always be a date that we will remember forever. Chris's passing on that date will mean that we will never forget the date that is for sure.

The entire week leading up to Thursday was difficult. Thursday was the worst. Can't sugarcoat it. The pain that I felt last year on this same day when Chris passed away was just as bad this year. I don't know why, it just was.

I didn't set my alarm, and I went to bed around 2AM and very tired. I woke up early and rolled over to look at the clock. It was 6:20 am!!! Chris passed away right around 6:30am last year. I laid in bed for a little while and absorbed it all but could not help but recall the minutes from last year.

Tyler decided that he wanted to go to school. But Michael wanted to go to a mass in Damascus that was being said in her honor. Chris's parents were going so we decided to surprise them. We got there a little early and went to the church. I had not been inside that church in 20+ years, but when I walked in I remembered EVERYTHING about it and more importantly the exact place where Chris and I sat the 1st time she and I went there. It was a wonderful memory. We were young and sat 1/2 way back and held hands which I can remember vividly.

After mass, Chris's parents, Mike and I went to a small diner in Damascus (where Chris grew up) and had breakfast. After that Mike and I came home. He just sort of vegged out as did I for a little while. I received many emails and well wishes throughout the day. One which was very special was a visit around noon by a special friend, Aylesha. She worked in the Cancer Center in Frederick where Chris and I would go for her chemo treatments. Aylesha was a wonderful person and made Chris and I so comfortable during the most trying of times. She continues to work in the hospital oncology ward and went out her way on Thursday to visit me and bring me flowers because she knew that Chris liked them so much.

I went to the cemetery around 2:00. I've been there more times this year than I can count, but this time was a very difficult one. I took baggie with 2 pictures in it and placed it at the site. Other people had already been there but I was able to be there alone for the duration I was there. The weather was very nice.

Later in the evening Chris's parents were returning from the cemetery and called here. I told them to come by and we all went out to dinner. The restaurant located in downtown Frederick was the same one we all attended during the evening break at Chris's wake. We sat in the front window and watched people go by. Dinner was very good and we really enjoyed each other's company.

We came home and they stayed for a little while. I finally, got the boys to bed around 11 and collapsed myself very soon after.

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