Monday, September 15, 2008

The FINAL post...

This was the year of firsts. I really hate that saying. Why? Because, what it really means is each and every "special" occasion, holiday, event, etc. is impacted because Chris is not there. It's true, every holiday, trip, dinner, game, was just not like it was before.

Guess what? This coming year is not going to be any different. Nor will the year after that or the 20 years after that. From the standpoint of not having Chris here they will all have the same feeling. Most will be good times, fun times, exciting times, but there will ALWAYS be a small piece missing which would make it complete.

This blog was created several years ago and it's purpose was to keep all of the hundreds of people that loved Chris so much informed about what was happening in her life with her battle with breast cancer. At the same time that it provided information to you, it also was helpful to me by giving me a forum in which to let out some of the emotions (good and bad) that were flowing through me.

This past year was just horrible to put it bluntly. Next year will hopefully be better. At the same time though this past year was also a way for my family and I to get stronger and closer. From that standpoint I think I did well and that my family did well. We have a lot of work ahead of us but we'll face each challenge as it comes.

I put a survey up asking if you wanted to see me continue this blog. Final scoring was about 30 yes's to 1 no. The no wasn't mine! But, I agree with the no and it's my choice. :) So this will be my last post on this blog.

What I have decided to do is to create a NEW blog. This blog will be about the DeWitt Family and what is happening in our lives as we continue forward. Much like what the past 6 months or so have been in this blog. I wanted to separate the 2 as this blog is a tribute to Chris I would like to keep it that way. Please visit the new blog at:

Be sure to bookmark it when you get there. Please send me some ideas of what you would like to see on the blog but for now it will be similar to this.

Chris lives on in each and every one of us. Especially within Tyler, Alex, Michael and I. Don't worry, there will still be PLENTY of mention of Chris in the new blog too, however it will be more geared towards the kids and I, and what we're up to. Very much like this blog has been in the last 9 months or so. I don't know how often I will update it, but I will do my best.

Well this is my FINAL post here and I would like to say one final thank you to each and every one of you who have viewed this blog. Most are friends, some are family, and some are unknowns. I urge you to go back and read some of the old posts as I just did. They can be entertaining for sure.

Please remember to keep Christine Annette DeWitt in your thoughts and in your prayers. She was a very special woman to all of us. She is missed so much by her parents, brothers, sisters, children, and of course by me. Her loss has left a huge impact on our home, the community, and office place, but it is up to all of us to take what we have learned from her and the values that she has set forth for us and to continue on in her honor and her memory. She will be remembered not only by this generation, but for future generations as well.

Thank you for all of the love and support that you've given me and my family the past few years and especially this most recent year. The pain of Chris's death remains and will for a long time, but with continued support we will work through the pain and continue forward as best as we can.

I'll see you at the other blog...


P.S. If you are a first time viewer of this blog and would like to start from the beginning click HERE and it will take you to September 2006.

Sunday, September 14, 2008

It wasn't an anniversary to me.

When I hear the word anniversary I think of the obvious. A date, usually 1 year apart, that you use to celebrate some event. Unfortunately, it is also used for events that are not celebrated but simply remembered. 9/11 will always be a date that we will remember forever. Chris's passing on that date will mean that we will never forget the date that is for sure.

The entire week leading up to Thursday was difficult. Thursday was the worst. Can't sugarcoat it. The pain that I felt last year on this same day when Chris passed away was just as bad this year. I don't know why, it just was.

I didn't set my alarm, and I went to bed around 2AM and very tired. I woke up early and rolled over to look at the clock. It was 6:20 am!!! Chris passed away right around 6:30am last year. I laid in bed for a little while and absorbed it all but could not help but recall the minutes from last year.

Tyler decided that he wanted to go to school. But Michael wanted to go to a mass in Damascus that was being said in her honor. Chris's parents were going so we decided to surprise them. We got there a little early and went to the church. I had not been inside that church in 20+ years, but when I walked in I remembered EVERYTHING about it and more importantly the exact place where Chris and I sat the 1st time she and I went there. It was a wonderful memory. We were young and sat 1/2 way back and held hands which I can remember vividly.

After mass, Chris's parents, Mike and I went to a small diner in Damascus (where Chris grew up) and had breakfast. After that Mike and I came home. He just sort of vegged out as did I for a little while. I received many emails and well wishes throughout the day. One which was very special was a visit around noon by a special friend, Aylesha. She worked in the Cancer Center in Frederick where Chris and I would go for her chemo treatments. Aylesha was a wonderful person and made Chris and I so comfortable during the most trying of times. She continues to work in the hospital oncology ward and went out her way on Thursday to visit me and bring me flowers because she knew that Chris liked them so much.

I went to the cemetery around 2:00. I've been there more times this year than I can count, but this time was a very difficult one. I took baggie with 2 pictures in it and placed it at the site. Other people had already been there but I was able to be there alone for the duration I was there. The weather was very nice.

Later in the evening Chris's parents were returning from the cemetery and called here. I told them to come by and we all went out to dinner. The restaurant located in downtown Frederick was the same one we all attended during the evening break at Chris's wake. We sat in the front window and watched people go by. Dinner was very good and we really enjoyed each other's company.

We came home and they stayed for a little while. I finally, got the boys to bed around 11 and collapsed myself very soon after.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

A year of firsts comes to an end.

Every day since Labor Day I have dealt with reliving each day as is occurred this time last year. I thought that I would be able ot put all the bad things behind me. I was wrong. Chris went into the hospital on Labor Day last year, came home 1 week later, and passed away at home the very next day. I've tried very hard to keep good thoughts inside of me, but this past week has been a constant reminder of things that I just can't seem to shake. For example, the night that my neighbor Ray brought the boys to the hospital and Chris and I had to tell them what was going to happen to her/us. I was up most of the evening the other night reliving each word that we spoke to them that night.

I've tried so hard this past year to take care of our family as best as I can. Running the family on my own is very difficult and at times I sit up way late at night and just pray to God and to Chris and ask for guidance. I know she is with me and the kids each day and throughout the year we have done remarkably well. Many wonderful things have happened to us and many wonderful events have been put in place to honor Chris for many, many years to come.

This year was a year of firsts. All special occasions (birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, etc) that we had to spend without having Chris there with us. Some were easier than others, but all of them were dealt with one day at a time. I am, and will always be, eternally grateful to all of my friends and neighbors that have been with me the last year. I could not have made it this far without you.

There are so many things about Chris that I miss so badly. So many that it would be impossible to list them all here. But the one thing that I miss the most is her being a mother. I've stepped up and had to do many things over the last year, cooking, cleaning, shopping, schoolwork, church, but the one thing that I CANNOT do is be a Mom.... I can't even begin to try. This has been the most difficult thing for me to deal with.

One year ago tonight I, along with family, sat with Chris and watched as God came down and took her from this earth to be with him. I know in my heart that she is there in a wonderful place and is waiting for me. Waiting for all of us...

I post this with tears in my eyes and pain in my heart. Tomorrow will come soon and we will deal with this final "first" in some way. The tears will dry, but the pain will still be there for a long time to come.

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Labor Day Weekend...

Where to start...

This weekend was the beginning of a time that I've been dreading for quite some time now. It was Labor Day 2007 that we had to take Chris to the hospital because she was feeling so ill. It was the 3rd last year. All of the horrible memories from that week are starting to come back.

The boys and I were not going to sit around and take it though! Saturday we left for the day and went to the Maryland Renaissance Festival over by Annapolis. We had a good time. We ate a lot of good food, steak on a stake, sausages, you name it! Chris and I went to this about 20 years ago when we didn't have children. This year was a fun time for Ty, Mike and I. We saw jousting and watched several of the comedy and juggling acts. It was nice to see the boys laughing, me too.

Sunday we went out for a pool party to our friends Danny and Brenda. Sort of an end of summer gathering. It is so hard to believe that summer is over! We got home late but had the dog with us so it didn't matter too much. She likes going and running with their 2 bigger dogs. OH yeah, I made some special beans for this event and I must say they came out pretty good. Everyone enjoyed them. I've been trying to better my cooking skills, what few I have.

Monday, we decided to take in the final Frederick Keys game of the season. The game was in the afternoon and it was a glorious day outside. They have a pizza giveaway each game to the fan(s) who scream the loudest in between innings. Well Michael won that hands down this time! So we had a large pizza for lunch. Michael also was able to run down 3, yes 3 foul balls at this game. He and Tyler are really good at this and every game that we go to someone comes home with a foul ball. After the game Michael also was given a bat from the dugout! Another one for the collection!

We saw Dave, (Keys General Manager), after the game and congratulated him on a successful season and looked forward to opening day next year! He's been very good to me and my family during the last year and we can't thank him enough.

Well 9/11 is right around the corner. I'll TRY to keep you updated on what's going on but as that day approaches my desire to do much of anything is pretty low. Thanks for checking in...